CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a
p*ss before the film starts.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red
wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the
stains.

BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not
wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables
may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving.
Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you
are listening to the sea.

ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub,
where a large selection is available at retail prices. 

WOMEN Don't waste energy faking org@sms. Most men couldn't give a sh*t
anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house.